on standby

I  attended a gathering of college teachers this morning. The University professors were presenting their assessment of a pilot test. I like attending these events because I get to see how “human” my professors really are. They each have their own sense of humor, some more appreciated than others. It’s also in this type of gatherings where I get some phrases from varying fields of expertise. Neural or encephalic computers, being one of these phrases.

A professor was describing how slow some of the students’ encephalic computers were. I chuckled, amused by the scene she was describing. And then I wondered how my encephalic computer was doing. “Not much,” was its immediate reply. It was on standby. It was consuming power but isn’t doing a lot of processing. Not much output in the past… let’s just stick with the “for quite a while”.

That morning, I was supposed to be editing a long delayed manuscript. I decided against the idea. It would be too obvious that I wasn’t paying much attention to the presentations. So I busied myself taking down notes, doodling, writing down comments and questions.

And for the rest of the day, my neural computer remained in the same state – on standby.

surprise, surprise

I’m actually having fun. It’s been quite a while since I had a conversation this good. Thanks!

I don’t know what came over me. Somehow, I believe I’m more sociable at this time – relatively, that is. But, I am thankful for. I think the alcohol helped – a bit. I should be drinking more.

feedback

The past week was a blur. All I can remember is me constantly repeating “matatapos din ‘tong linggong ‘toh”. I had now idea how – and to some point, I stopped caring/worrying about how it would end. I just wanted the week to be over. There was some comfort in looking forward Friday evening – that’s when the week ends and we get to breathe (relatively) easier.

The past week was a blur. All I can remember is me constantly repeating “matatapos din ‘tong linggong ‘toh“. I had now idea how – and to some point, I stopped caring/worrying about how it would end. I just wanted the week to be over. There was some comfort in looking forward Friday evening – that’s when the week ends and we get to breathe (relatively) easier.

Never have I expected that I’d receive a feedback about my output during that week. The highlight of the week – make that the semester – can be summed up into four words. And everything was better. At least, I now have an idea how I’m doing. Better, I’m motivated to improve the output.

Feedback means a lot. Be it positive or negative feedback – as long as there is something. getting a feedback means the person who gave it to you read/ listened/ studied your output. The time they took to do that is enough to validate that one’s work is somehow worthy of their time. Positive feedback, negative feedback – it does not matter.

thanks

I’ve been bitching about a lot of things. My sister tells me I may be going through a way advanced menopausal phase with this temper. I’d rather use stress as an excuse. Not that it’s valid.

Lost in negativity, that’s how I’d describe my not-so-nice days. I know I may have been an ear-sore for the people around me. Having people who can tolerate me is one of the things I am most thankful for. I’m thankful for the blessings that came and the people who have been instrumental such blessings. I am thankful for the sound advice I get. I am thankful for a lot of things.

I’ve been bitching about a lot of things. My sister tells me I may be going through a way advanced menopausal phase with this temper. I’d rather use stress as an excuse. Not that it’s valid.

Lost in negativity, that’s how I’d describe my not-so-nice days. I know I may have been an ear-sore for the people around me. Having people who can tolerate me is one of the things I am most thankful for. I’m thankful for the blessings that came and the people who have been instrumental such blessings. I am thankful for the sound advice I get. I am thankful for a lot of things.

What I am most thankful for is that no matter how ungrateful I may have acted in the past, You found it in Your heart to see me as worthy of receiving such a blessing.

six settings and a clock

“Not again!” I wake up with a start, take a few seconds for the brain cells to function. I find myself hugging my alarm clock and a gripping at my cellphone every morning. “How’s that possible?!” I programmed six alarm settings in my mobile phone and the classic alarm clock so I could get up early – something I have not been able to achieve for a loooooong while. By early, I mean before the sun is up. How I want to sip my coffee while listening to Kabayang Noli. That means I’m one of the early birds. I long to experience walking in the cool morn when it’s still dark. Preparing for work while most people may still be sleeping gives me the feeling of being ahead – of becoming productive for the day. I haven’t felt that feeling for a while.

alarm clock, bought from IKEA
Image via Wikipedia

“Not again!” I wake up with a start, take a few seconds for the brain cells to function. I find myself hugging my alarm clock and a gripping at my cellphone every morning. “How’s that possible?!” I programmed six alarm settings in my mobile phone and the classic alarm clock so I could get up early – something I have not been able to achieve for a loooooong while. By early, I mean before the sun is up. How I want to sip my coffee while listening to Kabayang Noli. That means I’m one of the early birds. I long to experience walking in the cool morn when it’s still dark. Preparing for work while most people may still be sleeping gives me the feeling of being ahead – of becoming productive for the day. I haven’t felt that feeling for a while.

My mornings these days are spent waking up with a start, panic setting in, repeating “it’s gonna be okay” as I rush the bath and breakfast part, and get stuck at the I-have-nothing-to-wear-anymore phase. That’s the part where you stare at your closet at a loss of what you’d wear for the day.

I miss my morning jogs. I miss locking the door not in haste. I miss leaving for work relaxed and prepared. I miss how my mornings used to be.