clueless

The downpour has become a background music for my stay in Bacacay for the holidays. Everything is a gloom and gray. Cold and damp. There’s nothing much to do but stay indoors and flop oneself on the cold tiled floor and watch TV – or do nothing. I just love it! And this is one of the few moments that I am not being sarcastic.

Enjoy having nothing to do for a moment. Stare at the ceiling, nibble your nails, mindlessly tap your thoughts into those keys. Basically, it’s doing things because you want to – not need to.

These moments, one just doesn’t get the chance to experience it everyday – not as frequent as one would want to. We don’t get this type of rain in Laguna (unless there’s a typhoon). Here in my hometown, it seems to be a normal part of rainy season. And rain, it does all day – make that all week. It’s been competing with Rachael Yamagata on earphones.

Trouble with finding oneself alone with one’s thoughts, one tends to linger on the less pleasant ones. A lot of whys and hows. The answers tend to linger on the I-have-no-idea side. Then come more questions with more I-don’t-know answers. One wonders why s/he even bothers to ask. The answer remains to be I don’t know. There’s a lot deep breaths. Pretend to look outside the window. Get into the don’t-bother-me, I’m-wearing-earphones mode and pretend to be busy. Keep that straight face so people would think I’m doing something work related. Hah!

I really am not sure whether I like being in this state. But I do feel better after writing about it. I guess, I’ll just focus on the feeling better after writing part. That’s the one thing that never changed. Every time I settle on this long wooden study table to write, I always leave feeling better.

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