to jot, did not, forgot

I found myself writing less frequent and less in my journal. I saw some attempt to start writing but the entries start and end with the date. There are says when I leave sentences unfinished – and I cannot even remember what I was about to write.

For the daily blog, I refer to the journal for possible topics. And as I was completing my entries for this week, I found my journal of no help. Nothing but the date. That was all – except for the text which read “tired”, barely understandable as it was written in a script more like a signature (something that doesn’t need to be understood). I do not believe in the I-was-busy/tired excuse.

A blank entry means I had no thoughts worth writing, I was too lazy to write them down, or I had no moment with the clarity of mind to write. Whichever the reason may be, it is not good.

Regular entries mean that I’m in a relatively better/healthier state of mind. So I guess that means I’m in a relatively bad state now. Perhaps.

Earlier this week, I dreamed about something that caused me to worry. I don’t even remember the reason why I was so troubled in the dream. When I woke up, I was still worried. It took a while before I realized I was making no sense, worrying about some dream I could not even remember. It was all in the dream.

A date without an entry is like a day that never existed. Or perhaps, it was too forgettable. There’s no day as such. I need entries to help me remember what happened. In a month’s time, I would have forgotten. The entries help me remember.

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