?

I don’t know.

I have no way of providing an answer to that question. I found more than a few minutes to think about it. The answer remains unchanged. I do not know. They’re different. What was and what is. It’s hard to tell if one’s better than the other. And in the middle of such confusion, it’s so easy to give up in frustration. Is that even the question one should be asking?

Options abound and there are things to give up and gain in every option. I don’t know when I started taking this one. I just found myself living a day after the other after the other.

It’s not like this is better and it’s not like now’s spent in misery. I wasn’t any happier then. I’m not happier now. I cannot say that nothing changed. That’d be a lie. How can there be change and things not be better or worse? How then can one decide if this now is what one wants?

There are those that one loses and things that one finds. Those that one lost can (and should) never be compared with what is found. So whenever I am asked with that same question I’ve asked myself a lot of times, all I can answer is I don’t know.

And perhaps, I don’t really want to know.

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