Have this tendency to forget things so I browsed the diary and the planner to collect the highlights of the year – the good and the not-so-good ones. The year wasn’t without its challenges. It continues to amaze me how I managed to get by each week. I feel blessed and thankful – and relieved.
2012 brought great changes. It feels like I gathered years of lessons in the last 365 days. There was more time for reflection on lessons and realization. I’ve grown a lot this year.I wish I could use the word matured but it’s something lighter than that.
12-17 Palawan Trip 😀 Busuanga, Coron, and Calauit
28 Got published
5 Major heartbreak. Spilled water on the laptop. Start of a meltdown.
7 The day I’ll be forever indebted to the second sister. Got help from the family. Never cried that hard.
9 Got the new unit. Got my sanity back.
16 Started the 10 rounds jog
18-20 Iloilo Research Trip
24 A night out in the city
3-7 A week stay at the hospital thanks to typhoid and dengue.
24-26 South Cotabato research trip (General Santos and Koronadal)
31 Darn stupidity. Lost my keys. All my keys.
18 Celebrated my fifth year at work. I know I complain a lot about work. Wrote the word “celebrated” without much thought. Maybe my subconscious is happy with the work.
12-15 Pampanga Research Trip (Magalang, Mexico, Arayat, and Malinao)
31 Passed the comprehensive exam 😀
13 Major episode.
12-16 South Cotabato Research Trip. (General Santos, Koronadal, Banga, Polomolok, and Lake Sebu)
19 Booked the dream trip 😀 All giddy.
26-28 Became a participant in a workshop. No documentation work assigned to me 😀
9-11 Rapporteur. Paper presentation. Firsts 😀
18-23 First solo trip. Koronadal City. Data Gathering. Met 34 farmers in five days.
23-Highly recommended educational trip to celebrate the sisters’ birthdays. Another first 😀
6 From 1st practice to performance in 5 hours
21 Surprise gift 😀 Who would have thought.
31 Submitted the remaining half of the output – three days late 😀
Looking back, I can only appreciate and be thankful for what happened in 2012. I’m not proud of everything I did nor am I sure that I did the right things. There were lapses. There were shortcomings. There was a lot of uncertainties. There were a lot of decisions to be made. I take comfort in the thought that I did what I can at the moment I had to make decisions.
In the end, no matter what one experiences – the pleasant and the not – it is the family that matters most. If we think about it, it’s the one constant answer to the three most important questions What makes you happy?, What are you grateful for? , and What do you want?
Two days after the deadline and I find myself still working on this output. This is the point when one’s main motivation is just to get it over with, hopefully have a good night’s sleep, and not to hear the phone’s alarm in the next week. Hey, one can dream.
I blame me for delaying the completion of this blog. I was so into the holiday mode. Even the brain ceased processing. What once took me a day to finish now drags into days. It would be a challenge to get back to the normal momentum at work. Then again, lingering on the blaming-me part would only further delay the task. I hope the future me would stumble upon this post and remember that Christmas break she attempted to use for work backlog. Not a wise move.
How am I supposed to enjoy all the sweet salad and the ice cream and the cakes when the throat is burning sore. The throat is dry despite the liter by the hour gulps of water. The bladder is not very happy about this water therapy.
There’s a bug in the house. The family members have been alternately sneezing and coughing since start of the Christmas break. The source need not be blamed. It’s just that my immune system has no reason not to beat this flu. I’m well rested and relaxed and way more than well-nourished. I may have overdid the sleeping and resting part. Perhaps, it the weather. I haven’t seen the sun in two (?) days. Thankfully, we were blessed with a few hours of sun this morning. And then the gloom returned.
Hopefully, I’d recover before the new year starts. Wouldn’t want to start the year all teary and coughing and sniffing.
I bumped into one of the editors of the journal issue I’m working on right now. Hoping to appease that sense of guilt from not being able to devote more time than I should have in the project, I attempted to relay what progress I’ve done with the articles.I was asking her to whom should I submit copies of the draft when she smiled and explained that her mind was on holiday mode already. She’s taking the break part in our Christmas break very seriously and suggested that I do the same. We wouldn’t want to return from the break looking stressed, she said.
It turns out that the mother changed her mind about spending the day at the salon. We ended updating her email and Facebook account. Adult learners are definitely more demanding and impatient. Add blood ties to that and it gets more challenging. And so the entire day, we accepted and sent friend requests with the shhhhllloooooww internet connection from the mobile phone plan.
The also about adult learners is that they have greater capacity to pay – in my case, pizza and lasagna. No complaints there. I didn’t even ask for it. I can spend the whole afternoon watching and waiting – with food.
Late in the afternoon, the mother felt like giving advice on life. I’m not sure if she sees it her duty to do so since her daughter turned a year older. Her advice, I never doubted since it’s based from her experience. From facial creams to skin moisturizer to finances and romantic relationships (not applicable to me, I reminded her) and then it was back to finances.
Curled up with a copy of The Nanny Diaries and pizza on an early Friday night. Was supposed to have dinner with the sisters. Had conflicting schedules though.We agreed that we’d raid the mother’s supplies tomorrow.
I’ve had this craving for grilled pizza since start of the week. I should be watching my expenses but what the heck, it’s good pizza 😀
Dropped by Booksale Los Baños to get new reads. I realized I had ran out of books to read when I found no excuse to avoid working on my thesis during the weekend. I ended up sleeping instead, which was okay. I hope. At least, I’d have no excuse of not having enough rest for next week when I’d really need to work overtime. Got previously owned copies of a paperback The Bestseller (P66)by Olivia Goldsmith and a hardcover The Nanny Diaries (P35)by Emma Mclaughlin and Nicola Krauss.
Finished The Nanny Diaries in a sitting. Started on The Bestseller when I remembered I had to report to the mother’s place to man the house as she got some salon pampering in preparation for her boyfriends arrival.
I kept repeating that the entire day taking note of how it made me feel every time. I feel old – in a good way.
I am more certain about certain things than I was a year ago. There’s less dread. I am getting more comfortable with taking meals alone. I feel more bonded with the family. I care less about making a fool of myself during public performances that my work requires. Less idealistic. I’m trying to worry less about things I have no control of. I have greater trust in time. I’m starting to see my forgetfulness as an advantage.
Life isn’t better or worse although there had been changes. At this age, one learns to cope. It isn’t without pain or hurt. There’s a lot I’ve lost and more than I don’t have. It makes me for grateful for what I do have and what I have earned.
It isn’t that bad, aging. For now, at least. For every year comes a new set of realizations. I have been blessed. And I remain thankful.