godparent duty

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This particular August 30, the family didn’t celebrate the town fiesta at home. We were all out for the newest member of the family. Jaela would be my third niece and third godchild.

At least I got to enter the church after years. I avoided seating in the frontmost row although we were assigned to that area. I’d rather stand at the side for a full hour than be that close to the altar. The sisters joke that I’m worried I’d burst into flames to be in such close proximity with the altar or the priest.

Mass baptism is practical and is efficient. If you’re a parent looking for solemnity in the naming ceremonies of your child, the mass baptism may not be for you. Most of us had old photos of the parents and godparents holding the child in front of the altar with the priest and a decent looking ewer and basin for the holy water. I didn’t get the chance to document a moment like that with this third niece.

Still, it was a happy day for the family.

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inferior

I don’t feel “small” anymore. The word small is of course used figuratively 😀 This I found during this trip back to my hometown.

This is the first time I’d be going home via plane. I’ve bought the tickets last year during a seat sale. Otherwise, I would be taking the bus. It’s more convenient. If booked a year before the trip, it’s actually cheaper than taking the bus. But that’s not this post’s about.

Growing up in a family at the bottom of the lower middle class conditions one to be a lot of things. It builds on patience, perseverance, humility, and silence. It also introduces you to longing (thank goodness it wasn’t envy that we got to know), helplessness, being subordinate, and the acceptance that this is how things are and will be. (No one’s to blame and no one else is responsible for all these things but me.)

One cannot  demand. Wants are luxury. Make do with what you have (or have been given). What’s given is what you deserve. One needs to work hard to earn recognition. Learn to wait. Worth is recognition gained (and can never be demanded). One needs to be patient in seeking assistance. Make sure to be familiar with the rules (as you’d never be the exception). Apologize to the people you’ve wronged. Know your strengths and your weaknesses. And in everything in your life, you have the sole accountability.

I wasn’t explicitly taught any of these but they were ingrained is us and these lessons made got me through college – and after. So did that feeling of being small because of the family’s limited finances.

Feeling small is having wake up at four in the morning to prepare the day’s batch of banana cupcakes to be sold by the aunt that day or coming to school with a Tupperware-full of peeled Indian mangoes that I’d sell to my grade two classmates for Php 2 a piece. One learns to be small while waiting in a series of long lines for a slot in high school scholarship. There were more lines – longer lines – as I got to college to apply and maintain a scholarship. Small is having to explain why one would need financial support for education – repeatedly, and in a way that would cause no offense to anybody.

Small is not being able to go to the dentist for aesthetic purposes. It’s being unfamiliar with restaurants or airports or hotels or resorts. Small is being intimidated by price.

Small is that feeling of being out-of-place, of being inadequate.

I found that feeling small is good. It provides good grounding. In my case, it was finances. People learn through different limitations.

This particular day, I felt anything but small – and I’m deeply grateful.

Family’s a tough customer. Disappoint them and you get an awkward silence before the comments for revision. That or suffer from the cold treatment. Nah, mine’s not like that. (I keep telling myself that.) They’re more vocal about their concerns, I guess. We’ll know tomorrow.

It’s the niece’s Christening at the end of the month. I’ve been requested to deal with the invites and this large poster for the event. We need to finalize all that tomorrow. They have decided on the lady bug theme.

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It’s not the family really. It’s how I’d react to comments from family. So here I wait nervously for comments. I know there will be revisions 😐 It’s just the fear that I may disappoint them. I guess I share that fear with other people. Several people – I hope.

This is really stressful, the waiting.

Got the shower replaced this morning. Finally. Thanks to the dependable Manong Ed, I’d have rust-free showers from this day on. I don’t know why I let this drag on for years. I could have immediately replaced the thing when I transferred in the apartment years before. It took less than 30 minutes to get the thing done.

I arrived at work late. I didn’t feel much guilt because a lot of people didn’t come to work. A few minutes later, there was an announcement. The University has finally decided that its workers can go home because of the typhoon. This,  of course, released after we have endured the heavy rain and the slightly flooded areas to go to work.

I stayed for a while to complete at least of the day’s tasks. Managed to complete rating one of the exam sets and finally posted the results online. That’s one task off tomorrow’s backlog. Once completed, my preparations for the day was worth it. There are remaining entries in the day’s tasks but I can deal with them at home.

The typhoon  brought steady heavy rains over the weekend  that is expected to last until this Thursday when the typhoon is expected leave the Philippine are of responsibility. I worry about my laundry although right now, that should be the least of my worries.

It’s going to be a long week.

cheers

I miss you.

I really didn’t realize that until this morning when I heard students talking about you. It’s been a long time. Too long, I guess.

The most memorable stories are always made in your presence. I used to have you on regular supply. Your company remains to be the best one. It’s with you that I can really be at ease with. You have always provided the courage. Well, some would argue that it’s in a cowardly manner. Still, you helped get things done. There are things I’d rather not do but I managed to with your help. I never did thank you for those things.

My senseless ramblings have always inspired by you. You’ve never failed to bring letters to the lined pages. Those were good times. Plus, I can only can get that good night’s sleep from you. Now I wonder why we got out of touch.

It was nice to be with you once again, old friend. I hope to keep in touch this time.