Some days, you feel like wringing your own neck  to get yourself out of miserable situations.

Most of the time, it’s during those situation when people waste time pausing and asking you questions that they themselves would have the answers if they could just bring themselves to do good research of whom to ask. That is not me. But of course we know that they are asking me that so I could politely offer to deal with such matters, make arrangements – which I used to do.

Emphasis on used to. Past tense. I’m not that person anymore. I do not know where people get the idea that I have the time to deal with these things.

What’s worse is when people drone on just to get to the point where they would request you to deal with some things. Yes, I really have all the time and energy to do every request. Did you want that delivered to your doorstep with some big freaking ribbon?! Like in an hour? It’s not like I have things to do. Definitely looking forward to dealing with your request. 

I am beat. Done with all the niceties. Would really appreciate having one week pass without requests for information that can be retrieved in the email inbox archive or on the net or via the phone. All it takes would be moving those fingers and allow brain cells some processing.

No, I cannot supervise that layout because I have papers to check and articles to publish.

No, I  really do not have time to edit those papers that you should be the one editing because it’s part of your job.

No, the paper cannot be released yet because there isn’t enough funds.

No, I wish you wouldn’t waste my time asking me details about that because in the end, you forget it anyway and do anything but what I suggested – which later would cause some concerns because you didn’t listen to the suggestion and it would bring me no joy to say I told you so – not that I would do that.

I am struggling to cling to that inner peace as advised by a good friend. But this week made it really really hard. I’m not giving up. Never giving up. Just needed to get it out.

How can so many things be so wrong overlapping in a week?!

Then again, there a good things – great things that happened. I just cannot recall them at the moment. But I know there a great ones this week. I had great laughs but they were so fleeting. Break in between moments of dread and time wasting and clinging to that inner peace.

It required greater effort to maintain some cool. Moments of dismissive, even abrasive behavior. Not something I’m proud of.

During days like this, one needs to look at a bigger problem, a concern more grave, or a situation way more unfortunate than what one is facing. And just like that, frustration turns to embarrassment. What right do I have to rage on what now seems to be such trivial matters.

It is so easy to be lost in one’s own problem. To keep one grounded, one only needs to look at the person next to you, the neighbor, the passer by, a friend – to realize how fortunate one actually is.

Of course, there will be other days like this – and on I would rant and complain. But at the end of the day, I hope to rid myself of negativity and calmly find that place of inner peace. It will never be easy. In the future, locating that place would be more tricky but it won’t be in the realm of impossibility.