Attended the afternoon mass today – and actually enjoyed listening to the sermon.

I didn’t really like attending the Sunday mass. The aunts forced me to attend the mass from elementary up to high school. If I failed to attend the Sunday mass,  the aunt would soak my uniform during Sunday evenings to prevent me from coming to school the next day. Too bad for her, I had already ironed another set of uniform by then. Later on, my defiance to attend the mass caused too much drama in the household so every 4pm, I would dress for church and then go to a friend’s house until 6pm. That would give me a peaceful Sunday evening – my uniform all dry and ironed and more importantly, no drama during supper.

During college, I learned about non-practicing catholics from one of my professors. That applies to me, I thought. I was a region away from the aunts so I had no problem skipping Sunday masses. The sisters would joke about me combusting spontaneously if ever I attempted to enter the church.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe in a Higher being but I had a lot of issues and unanswered questions with the Roman Catholic Church.

The night before my heart operation, the hospital chaplain paid me a visit. he offered prayers and the holy communion. I told him that I may not be qualified for the communion since I haven’t gone to a confession for a long time. He said it was okay. Then I realized, perhaps for a person with a high probability of dying, meeting the requirements isn’t really a concern.

I still don’t think I deserve the prayers – or even this extension of life – but I’m deeply grateful for it. I honestly don’t know what to do or how to make me deserving of the next years. And so I thought maybe I’d start with expressing my thanks and to keep that promise I made before the operation. I made this deal that if He decides to give me a few more years, I’d make sure to attend at least the regular Sunday masses.

No one’s forcing me to go this time. I came because I hope that somehow it would me more deserving of the additional days I have been granted. I’m far from being a devout nor do I think I would aspire to be one. For now, I’m just happy working on transitioning from a non-practicing status.


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