in a slump

I’ve been neglecting this blog, among other tasks, for quite some time now and the guilt’s been building steadily.

It feels like I’m losing control over my hours or perhaps I’ve become lax at managing my days. It does feel like I’ve been wasting a lot of hours by just letting it pass by. How I wish I could call it resting. At least I’d feel recharged if that were the case.

It’s a conscious waste of time and one feels bad about it yet s/he does nothing to change that. Too lazy or perhaps just unwilling to exert that much effort to get oneself out of this phase. You continue to let time pass and you worry about the time you’ve wasted and that pile of work that been growing steadily on your desk.

I’ll do better tomorrow. I’ll get it done later. And you see the tasks being repeatedly written  –for months now– in your planner. And it’ still not finished. Even I am sick of thinking of excuses for not accomplishing my tasks.

You find yourself wondering how it’s possible to even waste that much time knowing that you can’t stand not doing anything. You keep yourself busy with the most trivial of tasks/concerns so you can comfort yourself later in the evening that you  did accomplish some tasks – just not the ones that you needed to get done.

I’ve been in this slump for months now and it’s not a place I want to stay in. I miss being productive and having that sense of accomplishment that I can take back to the apartment at the end of the day. I need to feel that I’m deserving of every hour of sleep and rest I get.

There’s a lot of things left to deal with –and that’s really not something new.

Stop thinking and get it done already!

It’s not like I have a choice, really. That’s the only way to survive this semester.

I’m taking this day as an opportunity to keep up with all the student outputs I need to complete checking. Today’s classes have been suspended in the University because the buildings needed to be inspected for their structural integrity after last night’s earthquake –and the aftershocks that followed.


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