busy

You know you’ve been REALLY busy if you haven’t updated your social network account or you haven’t had a new entry for quite a while.

I have declared myself busy a lot of times and each time I do, it is with the constant redefinition of the word “busy”. I do not know if it comes with age or time, but things do increase in intensity as times pass. What’s busy before is leisurely today. It makes me dread what “busy” would mean for me ten years from now.

The only comfort is in the thought that as things get more difficult and the schedule more packed, one also become more skilled and adept in adjusting and meeting the deadlines.

Right now, life seems to be a constant meeting of deadlines. Once you deliver an output (actually, even before you finish), another assignment comes. One seems to be in a continuous race against the clock and one’s to-do lists.

What one needs to realize is that like any overused machine, people can crash too – experience burnout.

Work is a priority, but it’s nice to prioritize “you” once in a while and experience “rest” occasionally; to include “sleep” and “weekends” in your vocabulary once more; and to have that DVD marathon.

This is what “busy” means to me right now:

1. Waking with a start and developing a phobia on clocks [especially alarm clocks]

2. Mobile phone alarm clock [all five slots used] having no effect on me

3. The nagging feeling of forgetting something – a constant companion

4. Walking home practically dragging yourself to brush your teeth and freshen up before passing out

5. Combing my hair [only] twice a day – one in the morning and one at the end of the day whenever I see that piteous reflection at the female CR

6. Spending less than five hours a day in my room and living practically at the office

7. No “weekends” for now more than two months

8. My aunt calling to make sure I’m still alive advising me to slow down

9. Slow processing, dumbness [I do mean stupidity], blank stares, memory gap, knowing nothing about the news, irritating stutters

10. FOUL MOOD

i thought a long sleep would do it
i thought wrong
i never can regain all the time i spent working instead of resting

summer

Originally posted on May 26, 2008

Sunshine
Beach
Picnics
Family gatherings
-NOT.

Office
Late hours
Coffee – a LOT [a NEED not a WANT]
No contact with any body of water [even a pool]
Sleepless nights
Dark circles
Head throbbing that won’t quit
Empty wallet
Useless ATM cards
Dolt moments
-My summer.

Perfect
Couldn’t get any better
Loving every moment of it
Looking forward to each day

Sarcasm – I take comfort in it.

bad days

How come they keep getting worse? And more frequent?

Each time you declare a “bad day”, it’s worse than your last.
After surviving that day you feel better knowing you’re stronger
And you have the feeling that you can face anything.
Or so you think.

Because your next “bad day” is worse and it keeps getting worse.
Sometimes you wonder, whatever did I do to deserve this?
It’s as if everything and everyone ganged up to ruin your day
or worse, your week and perhaps [God unwilling] your hell month.

Who keeps tab anyway?
There’s too many.
This summer I’ve lost count.
Or perhaps, I was just too tired to do the arithmetic anymore.
Too busy? Nah, see, I can still squeeze in writing.

And then it hits you, when will I have my worst day?
When will I ever have that one last “bad day”?
Never can figure that one out.
If you have figured it out, I beg you
Do enlighten me.

twisted

Feeling warm
and then a sudden shiver as if cold
this is me in the earlier stage of being sick.

I’ve been having chills since December last year.
I do not know if i am sick – perhaps I am.
But at this point, being sick is not an option
– resting for a day leaves a pile of work on top of your table.

I kinda wondered why I let myself work like this
and then a quick answer – “because you’d still be sick with guilt and worry if you rested.”
Might as well do the work and be sick rather than rest and still be sick.

Twisted, I know.

nerves

Change – something that always takes time to adjust to especially when it catches you off guard.

When someone leaves, you miss them. Your mind plays back stored memories of people when they were still with you –  a faint version of these people walking along corridors or working away late hours. Only, they disappear once you start conversing with them realizing you’re talking with memories unable to respond.

You then find yourself shaking your head back into reality.

When people return, it’s just never the same. I grapple with words in attempting to start conversations tiptoeing on topics one can discuss.

I can always sense the need for conversations.
I just have difficulty starting one.

Nerves
Yeah, that’s basically it.

Was trying to think of other excuses.
Nerves – still trying to overcome them.

One of my greatest hopes is to be able to start a conversation with random people
not fearing I might suck at it .

Only one way to find out.

five minutes

This is one of the days when no matter how hard or long you stare at your screen, nadah!
The brain cells must have taken a break. Nothing seems to make sense.
I cannot make myself function the way I did before.

I find it depressing to write the same tasks in my to-do list for the past weeks.
How unproductive can one be?!! It’s not like I spend my time doing entirely nothing.
I have been keeping myself busy with work. The only break I get is when I get to eat lunch
and during my walks to and from stores where I need to do an errand.

My break is that few minutes I get to arrange my things in my table – a habit I do everyday
which makes me wonder why the table remains cluttered in the latter part of the day.
It’s just never empty. I doubt it will ever be.

Ever had a day like this?
Make that a week?
Now maybe?

Take a five-minute break,
have seat,
share it with me,
I wish I can offer you coffee,
a space in this blog maybe?
Feel free to share your day.

Whatever did you do to get out of this hole?

on waiting

[Originally posted at the author’s Multiply blog page on March 31, 2008.]

When does one stop waiting?
When must we?
A month? A year? A decade perhaps?
One may have waited for so long
May have forgotten how NOT to.

Why wait?
Why hope?
Still after half a decade, unchanged
Tired of waiting
Yet a fool, still one hopes.

Maybe’s, perhaps’, if only’s
What can one do?
Stop, just stop and think
Of what they might have done
If for you, feelings they have some.

The world’s far bigger
Than what you’ve caged yourself in
People far better
Lessons way harder
Memories more bitter.

Stop living through memories
Live in the NOW
Do not wait
If they want you hard enough
To wait, they certainly will not.

If they love you strong enough
They’ll come whether you wait or not
Waiting is time wasted,
Living deferred, happiness postponed,
Stop waiting. LIVE.